What is Noise Heat Power and why does it have a shop?
Noise Heat Power is a website of writing, photographs, fact and fiction by me, Damon Fairclough; it is one man's mind spillage in digital form. The shop is just a place to sell a few physical bits and pieces - badges and stuff - also created by me; they are inspired by the same mental tumult that informs the rest of the site. Beyond that, further interpretation is down to you.
Why does this site use PayPal for credit card purchases?
Using PayPal is very easy, both for you and me. For a start, it's quick and simple for me to set up, and it means I can take payments by credit card. But far more importantly, it's safe and secure for you. When you pay using the PayPal shopping cart, I NEVER see your credit card details. They are held independently by PayPal, which is a trusted online payment service with a global reputation. I simply receive details of the products you have ordered along with your postal address and contact email information. It's quick too, because as soon as I receive the order details, I can package up your items and send them out.
Using the PayPal shopping cart
If you want to pay securely by credit card, choose the item you want to buy then click the 'Add to Cart' button that appears under the product description. You will be taken to the PayPal shopping cart where you will see your chosen product listed; if you want to buy more than one, simply amend the 'Quantity' and click 'Update Cart'. The shopping cart should then refresh, and show you the new total - it updates the postage charge too. To return to the shop page, just click 'Continue Shopping', or to pay for your items, click 'Proceed to Checkout'.
Do I need to set up an account with PayPal?
No. You will be able to use the PayPal shopping cart whether or not you have a PayPal account. Of course, if you don't have an account, you will need to fill in a number of details to complete the order, but the process should be easy to follow.
Can I pay by cheque?
If you have a UK bank account with a cheque book, you can pay for your Noise Heat Power products by cheque. Just click here to find out how.
How long will it take my goods to arrive?
I aim to package and post goods as promptly as I can so you should get them in just a few days. If you pay by cheque, remember that I will allow a full week for your cheque to clear. Occasionally, real life might get in the way and I could be a bit slack, in which case, please allow up to 28 days for delivery. However, I will aim let you know if things are running late for some reason. You can always email noiseheatpower [at] hotmail [dot] co [dot] uk if you want more information.
What if my items are damaged or faulty when they arrive?
I will package your items securely when I send them so they should be fine in the post, but if somehow they don't survive being frisbeed across the sorting office and drop kicked into the postie's sack, just let me know the problem via email at noiseheatpower [at] hotmail [dot] co [dot] uk. I can then sort out sending you a replacement, or a refund if you prefer. The goods themselves should be fine when they leave me, but if something has escaped my attention and the goods prove faulty in any way, again please let me know at the shop email address. You can choose a full refund or a replacement.
What if I just don't like the items when I see them in the flesh?
Let me know via email at noiseheatpower [at] hotmail [dot] co [dot] uk within seven days of receiving them. Within that period, you are entitled to a no-questions-asked refund. Once you've emailed me, you'll need to package the items back up securely and send them to:
Once I receive them, I can give you the refund - though I'm afraid I can only refund your original payment, not your return postage.
What if I change my mind after I've ordered?
Email noiseheatpower [at] hotmail [dot] co [dot] uk and let me know. If I haven't sent out your goods then I can cancel the order and sort out a full refund. If the goods have been sent out, I can't just cancel the order; however, you can still send the goods back within seven days of receipt, as described above.
I am outside the UK. Can I still buy from this website?
Unfortunately, the Noise Heat Power shop currently only sells to UK buyers. Have you ever thought of moving house?
I still can't work out whether or not the shop is some kind of weird piss-take.
No, it's not. If it was, it wouldn't really be that funny would it? Nope, when you shop here, you can buy with confidence. I look forward to hearing from you.
What is the Noise Heat Power postal address?
Can I pay a visit to the Noise Heat Power postal address?
Ha ha. Er... no.
© Damon Fairclough 2013